Life has been very satisfactory lately... Last year, I went through a series of drama, phases of feeling lost, and moments of incredible anger. What a complete 360 my life has made. This year has seriously been the best year of my life. I can't stress how much I have changed. I don't know if it has to do with me getting another year older and maturing, simply moving on, or both. Junior year was marked by the typical teenage angst, which I have thankfully gotten over. Sort of... I'm still a little bit of a rebel on the inside, but it's all good.
After all that had happened last year, it's almost a miracle I'm still standing upright. Really. It was tough, stressful...something I would not do over again. Thanks to friends who have been so patient with me and dealing with my stubbornness, I learned to let go and throw myself out there. Not only that, but I have learned to live a life without regrets. I learned that it's all right to do things on the impulse, that's it's perfectly okay to make mistakes as long as you learn from them, that's it's fine to not know exactly what's going to happen. Things don't always happen the way you plan for them to happen; that's just how life is. I used to depend on being organized, orderly, and fully prepared. But you know what, there will always be surprises and unexpected situations. The best way to deal with them is to be flexible.
Up until this year, I never realized how powerful and fulfilling forgiveness could be. I'm not going to lie, I probably have the biggest pride ever. I hate apologizing, I hate admitting that I'm wrong, I hate feeling weak. It's not a trait that I'm proud of, and I'm aware that I need to work on it. And I have been, honestly. Friendships easily turned into rivalry and hatred all due to pride. With my on-going apprehension of high school coming to an end, I have been constantly thinking of what's coming up in the future and how I want to be remembered among my peers. Do I really want to just leave high school with drama? No. I know ten years from now none of the things that went on in high school will matter: who had sex with whom, who had beef with whom, who got a 4.0 and who didn't. In spite of that fact, I still wanted to fix things with people. It was the only way I felt I could graduate with a clean slate...so I'm proud to say that I have resolved all conflicts. =) Not going to mention any names, but I'm sure all of you know who I'm referring to. I can't even begin to describe how good it feels to have it out there and done with. Sure, there are always the thoughts of "what if," but better late than never. I'm glad that I finally sucked up my pride.
Right now... everything is falling into place. I am loving life like I have never done so before. Yeah, I'm still scared shitless about the whole college situation coming up, but I don't think I'm alone in that aspect. I know we all say that we absolutely can't wait to go to college, but let's face it. We will still miss home. But after thinking about it A LOT last night, I realized why deal with it now when there's nothing I can do about it at the present? All I can do is wait until I know where I'm going, and even then, I'm not going to torment myself about going away. I have complete faith that everything will be all right.
As an end note, my advice to you is: live in the present, prepare for the future, and don't forget about the past.